We kicked off the day with some Fierce Females, coming to us live from Walkabout in Glasgow. It was a last minute decision to check out this show, because we found out it wasn't sold out and were bored shiteless waiting to go in for ICW. What we got was well worth the 8 quid paid on the door, and I'd have happily paid 18 quid to see this show in hindsight, as we kicked off the action with the first female to make me shite myself of the afternoon...
Match 3 - Viper def. Lana Austin via pinfall. Another competitive match which saw newcomer Lana subjected to "Viper's gonna kill ye" chants. Viper insisted Lana gets given a chance, and Austin showed us why, quickly proving herself to be worthy of her place on the card, taking down Viper on more than one occasion. It was the veteran Viper who picked up the win, however, hitting a beautiful Michinoku Driver to end the contest. The two shared a respectful handshake afterwards, and Viper then carried Lana backstage.
Then we got some promo goodness, as the pipebomb princess Carmel came out to give us all a wee story. She recited a tense and emotional poem, slating everyone on the FF roster, before welcoming her new pal, teammate, and the Fierce Females Champion - Kay Lee Ray. KLR says she shouldn't have to explain herself to anyone for joining forces with Carmel and Sara, before stating that after everything, she now trusts Carmel. Sara came down to inform us all and Mikey Whiplash that they were running the fucking show now. An incensed Nikki Storm came down to get herself a piece of Hardcore Glamour, and brawled with them ahead of her match later on in the show.
Match 4 - Sammii Jayne def. Nixon Newell via pinfall. The great matches kept on rolling as the debuting Nixon took on Sammii Jayne in what was a stellar match up. Great pace throughout, which saw the best in both competitors shine through. Carrying on with the theme of the day, it was the experienced FF roster member who scored the win, when Jayne hit a cracking spinning neckbreaker to seal the victory.
Match 5 - Carmel & Sara def. Nikki Storm & Viper via pinfall. A hectic match this was. After initially refusing to compete because Storm couldn't find a partner, Hardcore Glamour were given no choice when Storm stopped them from leaving and attacked both. The numbers game quickly caught up, which led to Nixon Newell coming down to partner with Storm, however, there was a twist in the tale as Fiona Fraser came down, convinced Nixon that it was a bad idea, and forced her backstage. Viper then appeared, with Bete Noire trying to stop her, and finally the numbers were even! A period of dominance for Storm and Viper was stopped when Carmel attacked Viper with a steel chair, leaving Sara to roll Nikki Storm up and steal the win.
Match 6 - Kasey Owens def. Bete Noire via stoppage. I believe I missed a a bit of this match. From what I seen though, it was just the same standard as the rest of the card up until then. Bete dominated early on, before Kasey rallied and went to work on Noire's arm. Owens locked in an armbar and when Noire refused to tap out, the ref took it upon himself to end the match. Bete was raging, despite looking badly injured, and went mental at the ref.
As Bete Noire was being helped backstage, Debbie Sharp made an appearance to inform us all that she's healing up well. This was my first ever FF show so I've not got a clue what she's on about, but Bete took offence and lashed out at her, before being taken backstage. Sharp tells us she's not quite ready to compete yet, so we had to basque in her beauty while we could. Aye, nae bother.
Match 7 - Courtney v Fiona Fraser ended in a double countout. I was looking forward to this match the most, as I respect the hell out of both these competitors, although I was firmly behind Courtney in this one. The match had hardly began when they made their way to the outside. While they were brawling, the ref counted both out and the match officially ended, but they weren't for stopping, fighting all the way backstage. On a sidenote, I think I accidentally elbowed Courtney in the heid when they first came outside... sorry about that!
Match 8 - Kay Lee Ray def. April Davids via pinfall to retain the FF Championship. A fitting main event to cap off a fantastic afternoon of wrestling, KLR looked to prove herself as truly the best female wrestler in the country by taking on a worthy opponent in April Davids, who kicked us off with a big suicide dive before Kay Lee had even entered the ring. At one point, it looked as though Davids would maybe capture the belt, but Kay Lee's new comrades had no intentions of letting that happen, as they came out to cause the distraction, allowing KLR to roll up Davids and retain her Fierce Females Championship.
Before this show, I saw it as something to get me hyped up for ICW, but as well as doing that, it made me a fan. Each match on the card was fantastic in their own ways and I have no idea why it didn't sell out. Get yer arses to these Fierce Females shows. You won't be disappointed.
AND THEN...
Moving on to the evening, after a quick stop in KFC for dinner and Box for some white Russians, it was on to the Garage for ICW: 1.21 Gigawatts, Great Scott! for yet another sold out show from Insane Championship Wrestling, and after the standard world class patter from Billy Fuckin' Kirkwood, Jackie Polo decided it was time for the REEEEEEAL ICW Champion to get his title match. Mark Coffey's opponent tonight is Toal Jester, who he tries to tombstone before the real Jester comes down to make the save. Coffey better prepare himself for Jester, cos he's in nae mood for fucking about.
Match 1 - Chris Renfrew def. Grado via pinfall. Renfrew's square go contract was on the line here, and following the standard ovation for Grado, the big man wasted no time getting his hands on the Stevenson Dream. Grado had his rallies throughout the match, and it looked like the fairytale ending was going to happen, but ma main man Divers ensured that wouldn't be the case, causing the distraction and allowing his NAK brother to roll up Grado, retaining the briefcase. Then something unfair happened, as Sha Samuels came out and told us he wanted a "jock cunt" to come out and face him... and Renfrew elected Divers...
Match 2 - Sha Samuels def. Dickie Divers via pinfall. It wisny fair. Divers wisny ready. Fuck ye Renfrew. The only time you're likely to hear 1000 odd people chant "Fuck him up Divers, fuck him up", but it mattered here. This was a matter of national pride. This was a matter of singing the Eastenders theme tune at a really big, scary Londoner, and being firmly behind easily the most hate-able cunt in Scottish wrestling, just cos he was fighting that Londoner. Vote Yes. Divers got slaughtered man, Samuels put him out his misery with a brutal piledriver to pick up the win. It's no fair. It really was aw up to him this time, but he had nae chance. I still love ye Divers.
Match 3 - Joe Coffey def. Noam Dar via submission. Talk about making the best of a bad situation, as a big splash in the corner early on from Coffey saw the ropes fuckin come apart. Instead of allowing the ring help to re-assemble the ring in peace, the match continued. Another clinical masterpiece, with both men looking strong as fuck throughout, and then a moment of weakness. Noam went and got a hammer, and it looked as though he was going to use it. Upon thinking better though, throwing the hammer to the ground, Coffey grabbed his legs, swung him like fuck and locked in a boston crab, forcing the submission out of our Noam.
They both got on the mic afterwards, sharing an emotional hug, and confirming that there will indeed be one more match between them. Dar apologized for thinking about panning Joe's heid in with a claw hammer, and they agreed that they're sick of being put on the start of the show and putting on main event matches. They plan on getting to the top.
Match 4 - BT Gunn def. Wolfgang via pinfall in a dog collar match. This match and the aftermath hosted the most emotional moment I can remember in wrestling recently. Before that though, there was a storytelling masterclass from the cousins. Wolfy came out and informed us BT was refusing to participate, and goaded him out. After a struggle, they were finally tied together and that's when the chaos started. Wolfgang could have easily killed himself stone deid, throwing BT out into the crowd... while he was tied to his neck. Mental bastard. Then in another death-defying stunt, both men went over opposite ends of the ring, leaving them hanging by their necks at either end. Again, it would be a NAK distraction that costs Wolfgang the match, as Renfrew and Divers came down, allowing BT to hit the facefucker for the win.
Then it happened. I had a heavy heart and tears in my eyes, as BT waited on Wolfgang getting back to his feet. He offered his hand in friendship, and assured Wolfy there would be no NAK attack. Wolfgang accepted the handshake. It was the perfect moment. As BT left the ring, Renfrew and Divers ran in and attacked Wolfgang, and then my heart stopped. BT was back in, but he wasn't helping destroy his cousin, he was telling his NAK brethren to fuckin leave him alone. I couldn't believe it. It was too good to be true. Renfrew and Divers surrounded BT Gunn, and it looked for all the world as though it was going to happen, but nah, BT tuned round and punched Wolfy right in the face with the chain wrapped around his hand, and that ended the dream of a family reconciliation. It was almost perfect. Almost. They'll kill each other at the Barrowlands, ye can be sure of that.
Then we had owner Mark Dallas come out to assure us that Drew's big return match would not suffer the same fate as Grado and Wolfgang's. If Jester got involved, he would be stripped of the world title. If the NAK got involved, the square go briefcase would be taken from Renfrew and they would be stripped of the tag titles.
Match 5 - Carmel & Liam Thomson def. Stevie Boy & Kay Lee Ray via pinfall. If it wasn't for the main event, this would have been match of the night. This was the deputy match of the night. A worthy second place. The typical high pace of Stevie and KLR and the methodical brilliance of Carmel and Thomson showed throughout this match, and you couldn't have separated them at any given time. At one point, The Wee Man would get revenge on Carmel for booting his baws prior to the match starting, by coming in and booting her right in the nether region. The finish was an absolute belter as Thomson hit a backbreaker on Kay Lee, who bounced up straight into a Carmel spear, handing the victory to the Edinburgh natives.
An emotional promo followed, in which Carmel told KLR and Stevie that despite all of the history in the wrestling side of things, outside the ring, they are two of her best friends in the world, and she wishes Kay Lee all the best in her future, which I found quite strange. Despite what followed, the promo was genuine, and maybe it was just Carmel at her captivating self, but I bought every word of it. The 4 shared a hug, before Carmel and Liam attacked the Buckys and having a right laugh about it. Brilliant stuff.
Match 6 - Jack Jester def. Mark Coffey via pinfall to retain the ICW Heavyweight Championship. Straight from the off, Jester cracked Coffey with the belt and I thought it was going to be a squash. It proved to be something not so far off it, as Jester looked strong throughout. Jackie Polo was as active as ever, coming off commentary to get a closer look at his best mate and Polo Promotions teammate at work. A chair was introduced, and Jester took advantage of that, tombstoning the REEEEEEEEEAL ICW Champion onto it, retaining the belt.
Match 7 - Kenny Williams def. Damo, Joe Hendry & Kid Fite via pinfall. This started off in a light-hearted manner, as Fito came out wearing a familiar Adidas jaiket. It was familiar cos it was Stevie Boy's, and he wisny very happy at all. He came down and demanded Fito hand it over. He agreed and they shared a pally hug. Fun times. Then James R. Kennedy announced that as Kenny Williams' manager, he would be making sure Kenny would not be competing. From the opening line of this paragraph, we know that didny happen. Kenny came doon and caused it big time. The action was all over the place. Damo and Fito fought into the backstage area, and in the middle of the chaos, Hendry went for the Freak of Nature, Kenny reversed it and rolled Hendry up for the win, becoming the #1 contender for Mark Coffey's Zero-G Championship at Space Baws. The Kennedy Administration was incensed, but instead they congratulated Kenny, and told him to bring back the gold, but he would have to pay for his actions, by getting speared off the big man who I'm no quite sure who he is yet.
Match 8 - Drew Galloway def. Darkside via pinfall. With a shot at the heavyweight title at Fear and Loathing on the line here, Drew was never going to let this slip through his fingers. We kicked this off with Darkside slapping Drew really fucking hard, which caused the big man to fly into a rage, getting him in the corner and delivering haymakers all over the shop. The action made it's way outside, where they fought right in front of us. Darkside hit a nice suplex onto the floor, and then spat some lassie's blue VK into Drew's face. That just angered him but, and he knocked him down before getting back in the ring and launching himself over the top rope, booting me in the baws in the process. I didny mind but, cos we were in the middle of an absolute classic. Back in the ring, Darkside tried to lock in the chokehold, but Drew powered out, and after a struggle, he hit the Future Shock DDT, picking up the win and earning himself the title shot he wants so badly.
Drew invites Jester out, and apologizes for what he had to do at Shug's House Party. He says that it'll always be Galloway and Jester at the head of ICW, but when it comes to taking ICW to the next level, Jester isn't the man. Drew is the one to help get the company on TV, and he'll do that once he has that championship. Jester has other ideas though, and he attacks Drew. He pulls a rope out from under the ring, and ties it around Drew's neck, attaching him to the bottom turnbuckle. He then disappears backstage and reappears a few minutes later with the corkscrew... but it was... on FIRE. Jester has a bottle with him, and he pours the contents over Drew, before sniggering and telling him that it's only water, and next time, it won't be. He threatened to set Drew Galloway on fire. Fear & Loathing is gonny be bananas.
So aye guys, that was 16 matches over two shows. It was an absolute pleasure to bear witness to each and every one of them. Hope yees enjoyed this awfy long winded review of the day's festivities. See yees all at the next show!