First show of the year aye? How to make as big an impact as possible? How to set the tone for what could be the, no, WILL be the biggest year in ICW history? The answers lay within the 4th Annual Square Go event. Those answers were pretty neat indeed. As we entered the ABC, there was a sight to behold. Suspending high above the ring, engulfing the disco ball, was the steel cage that would play host to one of the most personal and highly anticipated matches in British wrestling history. BT Gunn and Wolfgang's destination was set to go, but they would have to wait a wee while to get in and down to business. Who would go on to win the Square Go, and have a contract for a heavyweight title match at any time of their choosing? We would have to wait until the top of the show to find that out. Who would come out victorious in the biggest match of Chris Renfrew's career, when he cashes in the 2014 Square Go contract against Drew Galloway? We'll get to that in just a bit. First up was the Square Go tradition. The Iron Man match. Joe Coffey has embodied the title of being ICW's Iron Man, and threw out an open challenge to anyone in the world of wrestling to answer it. The time for the challenger to make himself known was now...
Joe Coffey vs Jack Gallagher (30 Minute Iron Man Challenge)
So this was not so bad. Fans were throwing out big dream matches for this, from the likes of Rampage Brown, to Joe's own brother Mark, to my personal prediction Samoa Joe. Those weren't to be though. Instead, we got someone who is without a doubt one of the finest and most technically sound performers on the planet. A lad by the name of Jack Gallagher. These Iron Man matches are decided on who has the toughest core as a performer to out last their opponent. Matches that, if not built on respect for each other's abilities, can fall apart at the seams. No such problem with that here, the match was signed with a handshake as we were prepared for a battle of marathon proportions.
I don't think anyone looked at this match and expected it to be a high scoring contest. The styles of both Coffey and Gallagher are so methodical that anyone could have guessed that they would have wrestled each other into the ground before trying for a series fall attempt. This was just about the case for the first half, with collar and elbow tie-ups and various locks applied by both men. Gallagher tied Coffey up into a knot, before delivering a heavy boot... RIGHT UP THE ARSE. This just disgruntled the Iron Man, and the pace was quickened as both moved into the second half of the contest looking to get ahead. At one point, Gallagher reversed an attempt at the discus clothesline by jumping up and locking in an armbar. 1200 people simultaneously ejaculated. We then had the class wee spot where a string of pin reversals lead to them rolling around the ring in a pinning predicament. Neither could get a score on the board from it though, and with time ticking away, it was time to pull out the big guns. On the minute mark, Gallagher ascended the top rope and delivered a massive flying headbutt to the prone Coffey, but the will of the Iron Man forced his shoulder up, saving him from going behind. After a grueling 29 minutes and 57 seconds, Joe Coffey somehow mustered the strength to throw Gallagher in the air and connect with an uppercut on the way down, then plant him with a release German suplex, before bringing Jack to his feet and laying him out with a discus lariat to score the only fall of the match and retain the Iron Man title.
Final Score - Joe Coffey 1 - 0 Jack Gallagher
The final bell rung, as both men lay on the ground, exhausted. Done in. Fucked. A single fall in the match. They made us wait, but christ it was worth it. That closing sequence was one of the best things I've seen in a wrestling match, and in January, the match was thrown into the reckonings as a MOTY contender. They hugged it out afterwards, and Gallagher refused to let Coffey raise his hand. Jack Gallagher is a proud warrior, and he only wants his hand raised as a winner. It didn't happen for him this time, but it won't be the last we'll see of The Grappler in ICW, and you've got to believe after that performance that his first win for the company is just around the corner. Joe got on the mic and told us that he's watching the heavyweight title match. He's watching who's champion going into Barramania. He has a title shot there by the way. Galloway or Renfrew have a fired up Joe Coffey waiting on them come March. It can't come quick enough. With that being said, the atmosphere of the ABC was about to change. It was time for the title match. We weren't ready. No one was...
Chris Renfrew vs Drew Galloway (c) (ICW Heavyweight Championship Match)
I wasn't at Fear & Loathing for Drew winning the title from Jester. I was gutted about that. From the minute Drew returned, I envisaged him winning the ICW Heavyweight Title. The ultimate pay-off after all the time of watching him never quite make it in WWE. With that being said, it didn't matter who was champion, because in my mind it was Renfrew's title for the taking. They were merely keeping it warm for him. Jester, Drew, it didn't matter. It was Renfrew's title. That's why I refer back to Fear & Loathing. I may have missed a special moment, but this was making up for it ten-fold. I got to see Chris Renfrew win the ICW Heavyweight Championship after a whole year of him holding the Square Go contract. I got to be there to see him have his moment. Aye...
The crowd was as tense as could be possible for this one, and that just added to the occasion. From my stance, the crowd was hot for Renfrew. He was the guy the fans wanted to win. He deserved it after all. It wasn't long until the match made it's way through the crowd, before Drew took our minds back to the night of Shug's House Party, as he hip-tossed Renfrew through two tables set up next to the stage. The action made it's way back to the ring, and Drew manages to hit a Futureshock DDT. My heart was in my mouth, but Renfrew got the shoulder up. All was good, for now. Renfrew hit a Stoner and the place went into delirium. "GET HIM COVERED". 1-2-AWWWWWWWW. He kicked out. Both men were battered and weak on their feet, but somehow Renfrew got Drew up and delivered another Stoner from the top rope, surely this was it? ONE. TWO. GALLOWAY KICKED OUT AGAIN. In that moment, a part of me lost faith. I realised there was only going to be one outcome. Renfrew brought a steel chair into play and looked to plant Drew on it with the T-Virus. Galloway struggled out though, and somehow managed to reverse it with another Futureshock. Next thing we knew, the match was over. Galloway had retained. I won't lie, I was utterly devastated. When I saw the look on Renfrew's face I did fight back tears. Pure dejection, and it was heart-breaking. It's moments like that when you feel like the "it's still real to me, dammit" guy. Everyone was done in by it, no one more than Renfrew himself, who accepted the hand of Galloway afterwards, who declared that Renfrew was legit, and that he was a fuckin professional wrestler. Drew wants to do it again, and it can't come quick enough. No one deserves to be ICW Heavyweight Champion more than Renfrew, and you'd be a fool to believe that he won't be at some point this year. His night wasn't over though... but we'll get to that later.
BT Gunn vs Wolfgang (Steel Cage Match)
The wrestling rivalry between these two ended a long time ago. BT Gunn won that. Wolfgang failed to score a win there, not that it was ever his fault. Everyone was reassured that there would be no interference here. Two men locked inside a steel cage with nothing but metal to keep them company. No one gets in, and only one gets out. No one was leaving this match the same person they walked into it as, but neither BT Gunn or Wolfgang cared about that. This was about hurting each other to the point of no return. Simon Cassidy told us as the cage lowered that at the request of both competitors, this match must not be stopped via pinfall, submission or due to too much blood loss. Escape the cage or lose. No other option.
It was upon us. BT Gunn entered and immediately climbed to the top to taunt Wolfgang during his entrance. There would be no pleasantries, as Wolfy climbed from the outside and met Gunn at the summit of the cage. Then there was violence. Plenty of it. If you're looking for a play-by-play of this match, you're out of luck. Go and watch it On Demand for just £3.75 per month... and do it... after you've finished reading this of course. We hadn't had time to recover from Renfrew losing before we saw Wolfgang start bleeding. From the heid. It looked mightily sore. The Franchise of ICW had a bit of an ace up his sleeve though, and that was the dog collar that very nearly killed both these men at 1.21 Gigawatts. There was no struggle had. It went around BT Gunn's neck and was locked in place, but Wolfgang got complacent, and after Gunn got some separation, he rolled the chain around his fist and laid Wolfy out with a straight shot to the head. He made his way up the cage, but didn't realise the predicament he was in. The dog collar was still around his neck, and he had left that chain lying ominously close to Wolfgang's limp body. Gunn was almost out though, and he surely would have won it there and then, had Wolfgang not found his bearings and grabbed the chain. I didn't think it would go down the way it did... but aye. Wolfy wrapped the chain around the cage, before knocking Gunn's feet from the cage and hanging him. It made for uneasy watching, but it was riveting all the same. The lengths these two were going to make each other hurt. BT eventually got his feet back on the cage and climbed back to the top, after a struggle though, Wolfy knocked him off and down into the ring. It was an open goal. Win the match. Win the bragging rights. Win the... DON'T FUCKING CLIMB BACK UP WHATEVER YE DO.
He climbed back up btw. He stood on top the cage, staring down at his cousin laying in the ring below, and without a moment's hesitation, he took flight. Swanton... NOBODY HOME. Somehow, BT Gunn rolled out the way, and it felt as though Wolfgang had thrown the match away. He wanted to put the exclamation point on it, and he seemed to pay the price. Gunn cast the chain over Wolfgang as a parting gift. It was over. He was over the top and almost there. Then something happened that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, as Wolfy raised himself from the ground like the Undertaker of old, soaked in his own blood. He flew at the cage and grabbed BT Gunn's legs, pulling them through the gaps in the cage and using the chain to wrap them around the ring ropes. He had nowhere to go. Wolfgang climbed up, over and all the way down, offering merely a middle finger to BT Gunn as he dropped to the floor and won the match. The war is over. As BT Gunn limped to the back, Wolfgang made that known. It's over. The Franchise is back in business, and he's coming for title gold.
Dallas Has An Announcement
There was a couple of announcements really. First and foremost, he was sick of jumping through hoops for ICW to get a TV deal. He's had enough of it mate. Therefore, this is what's going to happen. He's going to take some time off of shows, go out into the big bad world... and fucking TAKE a TV deal. Doesn't matter who. Dallas is coming for yees. That tied in with his next announcement. Because he won't be there as much, he needs someone to take the reigns at ICW while he was gone, and our hero Chris Toal automatically assumed it was him. After Dallas telling him that wasn't the case, Toal got awfy offended and walked out. Having none of Dallas' shite. There was a GM to be introduced though, and who better for the job?
Red Lightning.
The old Red Lightning is back mate. After seeing him as a harsh but ultimately fair GM at the Spacebaws shows, he was back to being his best heel self here. He won't forget about the likes of Wolfgang and Joe Coffey turning their backs on him. Everyone in the locker room and every single one of the fans can kiss his fucking arse. He signed off with stating that if anyone didn't know who he was, they were going to find out very soon.
30-Man Square Go Match
How does one review a battle royal match? Is there a correct system to use? I don't want to go through each entrant as they came and how they were eliminated because I'd be here all week and that's not best for business. I'll try it this way... some highlights and some impressive performers thrown in.
- Lou King Sharp. The guy is the most determined someone can be to succeed. After refusing to submit to Chris Renfrew at the last Spacebaws show, he proved his metal. This was a different task entirely, this was surviving a Square Go. And he did so longer than anyone else in the match. Your maw's favorite wrestler eliminated the likes of Jackie Polo and Nathan Black, who I'm yet to be sold on. An outstanding but ultimately unsuccessful performance, LKS proved yet again that he's destined for big things in ICW, the Square Go wouldn't be his... not this time anyway.
- We were wondering what would become of James R Kennedy after losing both Kenny Williams and Joe Hendry. At the Square Go however, we met some new clients of his. Timm Wylie, who has been Kennedy's bodyguard for a while now; Sha Samuels, who has seemingly dropped his alliance with Martin Stone; Martin Kirby, who entered the match only to immediately shake hands and align himself with Samuels: and finally... Kid Fite?! WIT? After apparently injuring his knee early into his entry in the match, Fito came back in to lend a hand to Grado... only to turn on him and join Kennedy's new stable! Madness. That would see Grado eliminated and the new group willingly remove themselves from the match. Here's a nice accompanying picture...
- On the topic of Kennedy, we would see the long-awaited... what d'ye mean it's only been one show? The return of... MMMMMMJOE HENDRY... GLOBAL HERO. Out he came to a thunderous pop, and immediately started battering everyone. He came face to face with Kenny Williams, and they shared a beautiful wee embrace. Boisies 4 life now, so'n they are. It's not time for him to leave just yet, he has some titles to win this year. Calling it now, 2015 will be the year of Joe Hendry in ICW. When he came out, I genuinely thought he may have had a bold shout at winning the whole thing, but it wasn't to be for the Global Hero.
- Another hot favourite for the contest, Mikey Whiplash, would throw his name into the reckonings, but alas, something was wrong. A video started playing on the screens by the ramp. It was Whiplash, speaking during the "Gradomania is DEAD" promo I believe. It may have only been a few seconds long, but it was enough to strike the fear into Whiplash himself, who took his eye off the ball and got eliminated, losing his chance at becoming the first two time winner of the Square Go match. It won't be the last we hear of this, as speculation has already begun as to who was behind the message. Jam O'Malley? Grado? Jack Jester? With the enemies that Whippy has made in his time with ICW, the list of possibilities is endless...
- Layla Rose and Carmel had a bit of a set-to in the match, only to both be eliminated by Lou King Sharp. It seems there may be an interesting rivalry between the Pipebomb Princess and the wrecking machine that is Layla in the making.
- Everyone expected Renfrew to come out and reclaim the Square Go. He had a chance of retribution sitting on a plate in front of him, surely he could't do it two years in a row? #30 was Bobby Roberts... but it wasn't. Renfrew attacked him from behind... and you all know how it goes. CARD SUBJECT TO CHANGE. In he comes, and low and behold, he finds himself in the final three. The other two being the small task of Big Damo... and his own brother Dickie Divers. Damo could easily have been considered the favourite of the three to win it there, but out he went. It was down to this. The most torn I've been at a wrestling show. I love Renfrew, ye see. Chris Renfrew and Insane Championship Wrestling is a match made in heaven. They just... fit together. On the other hand, Dickie Divers is ma fuckin boay. One of my favourite cunts in wrestling. But Renfrew has to be champ... but I want Divers to win... but Renfrew... but Divers. Ahhhhhhhhh shite. I couldn't decide. I made the decision to stay neutral. Divers was told to go over the top rope himself, but he defied Renfrew. Stoner. Out goes Divers... he reverses it... over goes Renfrew... HE HANGS ON. Renfrew lunges at Divers, but he sidesteps and pulls down the top rope. Renfrew is out... DICKIE DIVERS HAS FUCKING WON THE SQUARE GO! And to the cunts that threw drinks at him, I hope yees fucking perish btw. That was his moment, how fucking dare you be such a cunt. Doesn't matter how much you dislike someone, never EVER throw drink at a talent. They're putting their fucking bodies on the line for YOUR entertainment. So don't be a fucking fanny. Tell ye what though, for someone who is supposedly as hated as he is, that pop when Divers won was fucking immense btw. Renfrew was angry... really angry. He motioned that the NAK was no more, and that made my heart sad. Divers won the Square Go but, so everything is sound, and see if ye don't like it, ye can...
So aye. The Square Go. It was a no bad start to the year. Aye, I was devastated that Renfrew didn't win the title, and aye, if the NAK is indeed done, I'll be eternally sad. Divers won the Square go though. He'll be a champ some time in the next year. Believe that, and believe... in the Divers.
Needless to say, 10/10. 4 matches that were of 5* quality. Nothing less than top grades can do justice for it. Stay sound people.
*Credit to Warrior Fight Photography for the photos of Joe Coffey and James R Kennedy's new group, and David J Wilson for the Divers photo (and Danielle Boyle for making it a meme).